The mother of my first boyfriend said to me: ‘If a guy ever tells you you’re too good for him – believe him’. She was referring to her own no-good cheating son at the time. She was right. (Insightful woman. I missed her more than I ever missed him!)
What I don’t know about men would fill a Stephen Hawking theorem, so don’t take this post too seriously. Read this one with the tongue firmly in the cheek.
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He says: Yep, that looks great.
He means: Can we just GO already?
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He says: I’m sorry I upset you.
He means: I’m not sorry for what I DID/SAID. I’m not admitting that I’m actually WRONG in any respect. I’m just sorry that you reacted to it like a deranged, emotionally unstable, CHICK. Because now I have to apologise. Even though I’m not wrong.
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He says: I’ll call you tomorrow, [optional insertion of pet name here to soften-the-blow and/or feign authenticity]
He means: Please let me get off the phone. I’m tired, I don’t want to talk any more, and I think that telling you I’ll call tomorrow will buy me some time. It also means I don’t have to say something cute-and-fuzzy or get railroaded into bleating the ‘L’ word in an attempt to gnaw-off-my-own-arm to get away. Please, please PLEASE let me get off the phone.
[ed's note: He may, in fact, call tomorrow. Don't count on it.]
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He says: I’m not sure what I want.
He means: I AM sure what I want. It’s not you. I’m just not sure how to break it to you without making you cry.
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He says: It’s not you, it’s me.
He means: It’s not me, it’s you. It’s. SO. YOU. (and maybe your mother. But definitely YOU!)
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He says: I hate myself for doing this to you.
He means: If I say I’m angry at myself, YOU should forgive me and fall at my feet and make excuses for my poor behaviour. You know, like a GOOD girlfriend/partner/thingy.
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He says: To be honest.
He means: I’m lying through my teeth. Usually because I think this is what you want to hear, or what I think I should say; none-the-less, it in no way actually resembles what I think/feel about this.
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He says: It’ll be fun!
He means: For me. For YOU it will be damned hard work.
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He says: I’ll do it <insert house-hold chore here> later.
He means: Not now. Not ever. Stop nagging me about it. You’re the only one who cares about it being done – do it yourself. Look – we both know I’m not going to do it. Go away and let me watch/play the game. If I DID ever get around to doing it (which I won’t) you’d only re-do it anyway because I didn’t do it well enough, so why don’t you just DO IT YOURSELF and leave me out of it?
[Addendum]: If I ever DO get around to doing it (however badly) I demand a massively disproportionate allocation of kodus for doing anything at all (however half-arsed).
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He says: I’m working late.
He means: I’m shagging her.
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He says: She’s just a friend.
He means: So far. But I’m laying the ground-work… so I can shag her.
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He says: I hope we can still be friends.
He means: I’d still like to shag you even though we aren’t together any more.
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See also: Girl-words (she said)
You should talk to What Men Think
Amusing.
Btw, why’s it girl-words & not woman-words?