Men. *sigh* Why do I bother?
The gulf of understanding on either side leaves me yearning for so much more.
A relationship should be based on mutual respect and understanding.
My current one seems to be more of a battle of egos.
I’m too old and set-in-my-ways to be bothered waging a war of wills. Experience tells me that so often in these relationships, even when you think you’ve won, you come out so bruised and battle-scared that it takes a while to realise that you may have won the battle, but ultimately, both sides lose the war. And so you hobble away bitterly to lick your wounds.
Being right – I am learning – doesn’t keep me warm at night.
I’m tired of the petty squabbles, the endless tears and the haunting notion that it shouldn’t be this damned hard.
Right now, I have all the down-sides of single life and none of the benefits of a relationship. There must be more to life – to LOVE – than this.
The mindless point-scoring and numbing loneliness make me wonder whether we’re doing the right thing by one another, or if we’re whiling away the years in a doomed relationship that’s going nowhere in the vain hope that it will one day blossom into something more fulfilling. I feel more alone right now than I ever did when I was single.
Surely, if a relationship is meant to be, it lessens the load, rather than compounding it? How hard should it be?
Are relationships ever meant to be or do you just decide that it’s worth the work?
That’s a good question. I’m not sure that I know the answer. To me, some relationships seem like a hard slog, while others seem to flow more naturally. Of course, I’ve got an ex-husband, so perhaps I’m just lazy!
I guess I just hate to think that a person gives up because of a struggle. I guess people are different and place different values on what’s worth struggling for.
* shrugs *
* hugs *
True enough, but then I’ve known those too stubborn to walk away from a toxic union too. I guess the wisdom is in being able to discern the difference.
I expect that in some relationships, a battle of wills, wits and egos is what keeps the relationship working. Every aspect is challenged and sharpened daily – from what to do today (wills), to maintaining a verbal and reasoning edge (wits) and to retaining an adequate sense of self (ego). Fun, stimulating and exciting.
But my guess is that most people don’t work like that. Most of us seek something like security, so we don’t always have to perform – it’s just too tiring for most of us. We develop mutual understanding, so our wills don’t clash. We submerge ego into the relationship, at least some of the time.
A relationship is worth it if enough buttons are being pressed often enough (no, that’s not a sexual metaphor). We all have different buttons and different preferred quantities of pressing. If adequate button pressing is not happening, and it stays that way despite communication, what’s left can be a whole lot of things, many of them good. But it’s not a complete relationship and it won’t be satisfying.
Maybe one educates the expectations to get used to what is available if one can. Or maybe one decides to give up on a seedling that will never turn into the plant one wants it to be.
Crepitus, I’ve missed your words of wisdom a lot lately.