My taste in food is frequently short-sighted, indulgent and, ultimately, toxic. A tortured, dysfunctional relationship steeped in recrimination and self-loathing; my choices often do me more harm than good.
In the last couple of years, my self-awareness, composure and self-esteem have blossomed in other areas. I have learned how to love fearlessly, without holding back, without expecting a return. (Just as well, seeing as it’s been an altogether disappointing experience thus far!)
It’s been a liberating experience to learn how to embrace, appreciate and become present to all manner of relationships in my life for who, what and how they are, rather than what they could be, should be or any misguided aspirations or expectations one occasionally attaches to them.
This has been especially true in learning when to step away from friendships that no longer nourish me, and I’ve made exercise a regular – and enjoyable! – habit. (Funny, when we approach it from that perspective, it’s all been rather productive!)
Now it’s time to break up with junk food. I’m leaving the sugar highs (and subsequent crashes!) behind in search of a more nourishing, balanced relationship with food. The role of food will be relegated to physical nourishment, not emotional partner.
It’s not you, it’s me. I’m addicted to you.
When you call me late at night, when I feel anxious, overwhelmed or depressed – when my self-respect or confidence falters – I turn to you.
I know that you are bad for me, and I always hate myself the morning after, but I get so caught up in the moment that I can’t resist you.
While I’m certainly attracted to you (who wouldn’t be? You’re delicious!), ultimately, I find our relationship unfulfilling. We want different things. It’s time for me to respect myself, and your hold over me, enough to know that I can’t change you (and I shouldn’t try to) so I need to draw-the-line and walk away.
I need to free myself from my unhealthy attachment to you – and the mood-swings! – and move towards a relationship with food that nourishes me.
I know that in time, when we see each other out at restaurants or parties, we’ll be able to interact in a much more balanced way, but we can never be to each other what we once were.
Goodbye, and thanks (very bloody much!) for the love handles,
Follow my progress:
- Weeks 1 and 2 – I replaced breakfast with a green juice every morning (green juice ingredients: 2 green apples, 1 thumb-sized piece of fresh ginger, 1 lemon or lime, 1 whole bunch celery, 1 whole cucumber, 1 whole cos lettuce).
- Weeks 3 and 4 – I replaced junk snacks with better options, (boiled eggs, fruit, raw almonds), cut-out alcohol during the week and reduced my coffee intake to a maximum of 2 per day.
- Weeks 5 and 6 – I replaced another meal each day with juicing and tried a few new healthy snack ideas (organic cocoa with xylitol was amazing! Sure beats high-sugar hot chocolate!).